4 Must-Knows About His Orgasm

Sometimes men take a long time too.

And not just in the bathroom with their laptop or newspaper in hand.

Although we often think of women being the ones to take forever and a day to orgasm (especially when just learning to orgasm for the first few dozen times), sometimes men take a long time to orgasm, too. How come?

Well, we’re not entirely sure why. We do know, however, that men’s genitals – like women’s lady parts – vary. Some men have highly sensitive genitals. Just the slightest sensation can send them to Orgasm Land. For other men, their penis and scrotum are not exactly dull (I’ve never met a dull penis in my life!), but not so sensitive. These men may find, for example, that it takes intense stimulation – possibly even from a strong back massager-like vibrator – to bring them to orgasm. If a man’s genital sensation changes over time – like, if he once felt quite sensitive and eventually starts to feel like orgasm becomes more difficult – he’d be wise to check in with a healthcare provider. Sometimes medical conditions such as diabetes can interfere with nerve sensation in men’s most phenomenal of parts.

Other times, the difference isn’t so much in the sex organ Down Below as it is in the humongous sex orgasm up above (that would be the brain). So much about sex has to do with mental arousal and being able to simultaneously let go while focusing on sexual pleasure and sensations. If a man is distracted by feeling guilty about sex, worried about work or school, or concerned that his partner isn’t really into him, then he might find it difficult to come. Similarly, if a guy is overly focused on being a good lover and constantly criticizing himself during sex or monitoring his every move, then that too can take away from the big orgasmic picture.

What to do?

This so-called “delayed ejaculation” doesn’t have to be a major problem. If you are multiply orgasmic, then yay for you! You may have more time to enjoy a greater number of orgasms should you so desire them. If it takes you a long time to orgasm, too, then you are both in good company. You both may enjoy spending eons during sex, taking your time to experience pleasure and – if you feel like it – an orgasm too.

If you can only comfortably take so much penetration before it gets painful, then try spending the bulk of your start-up time doing other exciting things like hand touching, oral sex, or toy play before finishing off with intercourse. Or try the reverse – try intercourse for only as long as you find to be comfortable and pleasurable. Then, if he’d like an orgasm, you can switch to another activity. Whether sex lasts for three minutes or three hours, there is much potential for pleasure. By keeping an open mind and a bit of flexibility, you can make what you want of it.

Debby Herbenick, PhD, MPH is a sex researcher and educator at Indiana University, the sex columnist at Time Out Chicago and author of Because It Feels Good: A Woman’s Guide to Sexual Pleasure and Satisfaction.