Sexual Myth #1

Okay, so we’re decades past the washed up idea that masturbation is a terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad thing to do, right? We are all very clear on the fact that masturbation will not cause blindness nor will it cause hair to grow on our hands. We also get that whether you pleasure yourself daily, weekly, once a year on your birthday or never, it’s all good. But that doesn’t mean there’s no such thing as too much masturbation. Here’s why.

In rare cases, women or men may masturbate to the point where it is physically uncomfortable but for whatever reason – desire, determination, or getting all the pledge support they can in a Masturbate-a-Thon (yes, such a thing exists) – they keep going. They may masturbate until they feel irritated, numb or get little sex cuts. Then again, this isn’t limited to masturbation. Couples have been known to incur other sex-related injuries such as vaginal cuts from fingering, highly vigorous sex, or sex so frequent that the constant friction irritated his or her genitals. Be careful out there!

Sex injuries aside, there are other times when you might want to reign in your masturbation. Though self-pleasuring can be highly fulfilling and can help women and men to learn about their bodies and find out what feels good to them, sometimes people find that learning to balance their masturbation helps the rest of their sex life. If you love or care about your partner, but find all the fulfillment you need in your own two hands, then your partner may begin to feel rejected if you don’t ever turn to him or her for partnered sex. I hear this complaint most often from women who wish that their boyfriend or husband would step away from their internet porn masturbation sessions and return to their bedroom.

Sometimes I hear from men, too, who wish their girlfriend or wife would include them in their fun vibrator sessions. Sexual activity with a partner – whether it’s kissing, cuddling, touching, oral sex, or intercourse – can offer incredible opportunities for closeness, connection and feeling bonded to someone in ways that sharing ice cream cannot. Therefore, try to strike a balance between your personal pleasures (which you are absolutely entitled to) and those you share with a partner. Learning to find the right balance with your masturbation can also help you to find the right frequency that leaves your body and mind craving stimulation, thus enhancing your desire and leaving you hungering for more.

Debby Herbenick, PhD, MPH is a sex researcher and educator at Indiana University and the sex columnist at Time Out Chicago. Her new book is Because It Feels Good: A Woman’s Guide to Sexual Pleasure and Satisfaction.